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It's time for the madness to rise it's soulful head again...so on with the fun!
Indemand Book!
James Brown
You KNOW it will..
The Codfather of Sole
is here doing the biz..
I just picked my nose
and HERE IT IS!
NORTHERN SOUL MUSIC
Keep losing those ebay bids?
Out for revenge?
You want to get even?
Well here's the book EVERY Ebay loser has been waiting for! 20 ways on how to get your own back on that bastard who outbids you every time. You'll feel SO damn good when you discover how to get your own back on bidders who outbid you with this fascinating insight on ways of revenge without ever getting caught. Don't get mad...GET EVEN cause it's...PAYBACK TIME!
LEVEL IT OUT..
Music to make you go weak at the knees!
SOULFUL NEEDS..
THE SOULAMO
The best way to flatten warped 45s is...to buy a steamroller! (now why didn't I think of that?)
NEW FRIENDS?
How about a vinyl handbag and a vinyl cushion..
IT'S SOUL TIME!
Where Jim Bowie met John Bowie!
Where Davy Crockett met Bill Cody!
Where Sam Houston met Larry Houston!
In 1836, 189 soulies in raccoon hats with record boxes decided to stand tall in defending the ONLY allnighter in Texas! The mexican army sent 4,000 troops in to close down their allnighter, but didn't figure on coming up against such dedicated soulies and suffered a terrible loss, but after overpowering the dedicated soul fans, the army tortured the surving soulies by burying them in the ground from the neck down, and LAYED THEIR VINYL DOWN IN FRONT OF THEM only to watch it MELT in the blazing sun! PLUS! each survivor had their raccoon tails ripped off their hats! (have you ever heard of such terrible torture?) The indignity of such a sight left each one of them scarred for life and none of them could stand it no longer and vowed NEVER to go to an allnighter ever again!
You just never know where you'll meet new friends do you?
Initiation..
Yes my son, lower..lower..
CLAWS!
SPINNING ACTION!
THE ERECTO SACK BAG!
At last the photo everyone's been dying to see, CLAWS (who used to be known as ARTHUR) was finally spotted at Blackpool (sizing up his next meal by the look of him) A local mother was cautioned yesterday by police after she was found trying to throw food to him off the pier, luckily for her...her 8 year old son manged to swim to safety and found his way back home two hours later!
Newlyweds Gunna and Musti Shavitoff from Germany were banned from their local bagwash after getting cautioned for the 10th time in two months for getting 'too carried away' on top of washing machine no.13. " It must be the vibrations" said Musti (guess no.13 is once again...unlucky for some!)
P.N.P's
ERECTO! The all new sack bag to keep guys FIRMLY in place. Whether your meeting your girlfriend, picking up housebricks or simply want to impress! There's just no competition when your wearing your ERECTO sack bag. Simply strap it on and it will NEVER let you down and gives a whole new meaning to picking up the girlfriend!
PRINCE HAPPY!
Girls...do you have trouble with his snoring? Fed up with the neighbours knocking the wall because of his noise? Tired because you can't get any sleep? Well now you can send for PROFESSIONAL NOSE PICKERS (or P.N.P's as they like to be called) For £10 a night a P.N.P will come clear his nostrills or actually show you how to release that mucky mucus that's kept the whole neighbourhood awake for the last few years. IT'S WORTH IT!
CHEATING IS A CRIME..
Prince Charles has finally admitted to collecting Northern Soul music and was recently spotted with his latest addition!
RIGHT PUPILS..
Bosses from the US TV show CHEATERS has admitted host Joey Greco has gone into hiding after being threatened by a former 'Cheater', so Joey is now laying low for a few weeks and is currently in disguise.
PLEASE TURN UP..
HOW ABOUT...
Always keep your eye on soul music..
OK you lot, turn up for the Sunday service this week
or there's NO Mars bars for ANY of you!
A VINYL PURSE?
NOT A CHANCE IN A MILLION!
TRAVEL ABROAD..
DETROIT has so much old vinyl, they've now got VINYL WASTE BINS for residents old 45s and apparantly they had 3,500 job applicants for a waste disposal man which cropped up recently!
GET YOUR E.Q.A's!
BIGGER TV?
The fastest way to make your living room and TV seem bigger. STEP(1) Put your TV against the wall. STEP(2)Use a saw and cut out the wall around the TV. STEP(3)Remove the neighbours deviding wall. STEP(4)Push your TV set through the wall untill it's flat against your wall. Hey presto, more room!!
Ever been hit by an earthquake? EARTH-QUAKE ARMBANDS will keep you WELL balanced at that devastating moment. Don't wait for it to happen, get yours TODAY!..you never know when you might just need them! So don't you wait for a bumpy landing, get your E.Q.A's and be the last man standing!
DR.BIRD I PRESUME?
AND GOD SAID...
START YOUR DAY...
PATIENT: Doctor I keep breaking wind, what can I do? DOCTOR: Well sir you could put some bread crumbs down and completely cover your lawn with them for 7 days! PATIENT: Will that totally cure it? DOCTOR: No, but at least the birds will have a damn good feed every day!
And God said "Come Fourth" but I ask everyone, what's the matter with First, Second or Third?
WITH SOME MOTOWN!
R.I.P SOUL HEROES
Meet the wibbly wobbly man.
THE UK SOUL SEARCHER..
Hold on...we're comin'
SHOCKING NEWS!
I BELIEVE IN THE LINDA JONES METHOD..
Phil Spector was discharged from hospital recently after accidently putting his finger in a light socket!
THERE'S A HOUSE FOR SALE
err...Could you throw in the stereo too?
LET IT RAIN...
WORLD'S SMALLEST POOL
Linda Marshmellow from Boston swears she'll throw all 3,000 of her husbands Detroit rarities from their high rise balcony window yesterday after catching him cheating with another woman! Soul collectors quickly heard about the dilema and waited patiently for the vinyl rainfall...just in case!
