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More silly pics and soulful madness from around the world...You lot are as mad as me judging by the number of hits on these SYDWAR pages! (Well...why not!) By the way, I have to go to the doctors next week to pick up a nice new white coat...Doc says I'll like it, as it has lots of nice straps.....on the back!
Danger on the net?
Soul Starr?
How would you like a kick in the nuts soldier?
God..Your ugly
A guy walked into an ASDA store the other day and started shouting and claiming to be soul singer HARRY STARR!! Security guards quickly escorted him off the premises and told him: sorry "Harry" maybe ANOTHER TIME, ANOTHER PLACE (anyway...it looks like the END of him!)
Soulie Food?
Weirdest Wedding?
Some Italian soul collectors say dipping your vinyl in a plate of spaghetti actually preserves your 45s longer! Afraid I can't agree with that and I think it's pasta joke..
Who says Soul music ain't heavy??
The weirdest wedding of the year is about to take place soon with 70s heart throb DONNY OSMOND, who is going to marry a DOG name Spike! (sorry, but it sounds like a bit of puppy love if you ask me?)
Bad...
Shoot Out!
Hey...What's this ear??
Two ponys trotted into a Los Angeles record store recently and immediately started to wreck everything in sight. Police were called and they took them into custody. In court the next day, the judge fined them two weeks bale of hay and both were told to stop horsing around..
A little more to the left please..
Larry Clinton's girlfriend was still on the run last night despite a police shoot-out, after holding up a number of drug stores in many different counties accross the U.S. It's now gone on her police record that... she's Wanted in three states..
Don't forget the kids..
Soul in Bombay?
New Sport!
"Please let daddy get Mel Britt, Pat Lewis, Bobby Paris, Duke Browner, Dana Valery & a Chuck Jackson"....so he can find time to tuck me in at night"
Spider Turner?
Ahh heaven..
RECORD SKIMMING is the new sport everyone is talking about these days, sadly though not many soulies are prepared to 'skim' their priceless gems around, which just goes to prove...Competition ain't nothing!
A rare picture of Indian soul star Johnny Patel & The Takeaways performing at the 100 club last year.
Soulies John & Laura Turner needed more time to play their records, so they've come up with a great idea for baby Robbie, they put their pet TARANTULA in his potty with him when he 'wants to go'...he sits there for hours they said...and now everyone's happy!
What's the matter with you lot?
Carstairs
Baby's first teeth..
An ex member of the Carstairs is recieving a series of injections to beat his fear of flying so he can perform in the uk. His wife asked him how they were going and he replied: Well, it really hurts me girl..
as if we would...
Soul in India
Tony Hestor Acetate Found!
Now Mom's & Dad's can sleep easy..
Murder Weapon?
A super rare 10" Tony Hestor Acetate was found in a cellar in Detroit last week, but sadly it was cracked, the owner was unavailable to comment yesterday as he was...down in the dumps..
India has agreed to open it's FIRST EVER allnighter at the marvelous TAJ MAHAL! Authorities were a bit apprehensive but promoters reasured them that male soulies will be made to remove their shoes and socks before entering the club and female soulies must wear veils, plus Mosquito repellent will be sold on the palace doors. The length of the allnighter has not been decided yet, but will probably finish when it's time for the elephants to have their baths at sunrise.
Supreme Failure?
Nine soul fans have been murdered at allnighters over a period of 2 years. Police said the murderer creeps up behind the victim in the dark, then 'wacks' them over the head with a box of Rice Krispies!...cops are now pretty sure they're looking for a cereal killer.
Bye Bye Arthur..
Hospital Job..
Ex Motown superstar Diana Ross was rushed to hospital last week with severe chest pains. When doctors asked her to describe her symptoms she said: "well doctor, it's LIKE AN ITCHING IN MY HEART AND I CAN'T SCRATCH IT", to which the doctor replied "yes I know SOME THING'S YOU NEVER GET USED TO"!!
"beam us up Elvis"
In New Orleans Verve recording artist Howard Guyton was found in tears last week after losing his beloved doggie 'Arthur' in severe floods, passers by found the singer in a terrible state and Howard said: "the current was so fast it was awful...I just watched him slowly slip away".
Dear Monica, If only you were here. Love Bill X
Accident prone Paula Falls ended up in hospital again for the 5th time this year! This time she'd "fell off" her husband whilst they were making love while watching Walt Disney's Bedknobs and Broomsticks (Sounds like they were having a bit of BIBBIDY BOBBODY BOO if you ask me!)
Autopsy Needed?
DAMN! I'm gonna bid higher next time!
While on a record hunting trip to the USA, French soulie Serchem Out spotted soul legend JOE HICKS in the corner of a record store in Chicago doing BACKDROPS & SPINS to every record that was being played! Serchem said to Joe "my Joe, you seem to like these northern soul records?" to which Joe replied "Yeah man, don't it make you feel funky"..
Record collector Marvin Antammy died after he had a TWO HOUR 'farting fit' while playing a 45 by Rita & the Tiaras. At the autopsy inquest, coroners agreed that it was a clear case of... gone with the wind.
You HAVE farted and it STINKS!
Sniped Again?
Trades Down Under?
85 year old war veteran Iheld Themback from Norway was amazed to recieve an email inviting him to join the internets AUCTION SNIPER company. He had been recommended by German casualty of war Heinz Soop, who was 'winged' by Iheld back in 1944. Heinz said: "he got me good and proper in the shoulder while we were out on patrol and I thought you would be able to use a good sniper?" (that Heinz has a big heart....well only just!!)
Australian soulies who have decided to sell their Northern Soul collections have also been swapping their rare 45s for SHEEP! Collector/Farmer Bruce Spruce is doing so well, he's had to extend his fences by TWO MILES! - He said yesterday: "I swopped an ultra rare TONY MIDDLETON (Mgm) for 600 sheep from a british collector/farmer, and I can tell you...our postie wasn't too pleased having to deliver all those little buggers by recorded delivery!!"
Super New Soul Version!
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Northern
Four black guys walked into a record store and each one of them had little black dots all over them when one of them said to the owner "have you got any paint brushes?" to which the store owner said "sorry..we only sell vinyl records" so he and the other guys walked out. Next day, the same happened again, and continued for another two weeks!...untill one day the store owner said.. "excuse me lads, but why do you want paint brushes?"..."Oh, no reason they said...were the Inkspots"...
Northern Soul is alive and well in India and that's a fact! Sharon Patel has released a limited edition of 500 copies only of her new version of GEORGE TINDLEY on DOO WOP called "AIN'T GOING FOR A CURRY WITHOUT YOU" which is sure to be a 'HOT ONE' in the soul sales!
NO Ice Cream PLEASE!
Meet the Hippo Man!
Play it cool...stay at school
If they'd only taught us THIS at school instead of painting..
Little Richard walked into a posh clothes store in Las Vegas 'licking an ice cream'. "Sorry Mr.Richard" said the store detective "You can't come in here with that, you might get it all over the place!" to which Little Richard replied:
Look, I know your only doing your duty,
But this is my favourite TUTTI FRUTTI.
I'm just a POOR DOG because I had to bus it,
So excuse me man, I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS IT!
I Fuckin' LOVE Northern Soul..
100s of MONKEYS are now being imported into the UK to be trained how to DJ. When reporters asked why monkeys, one ex dj replied: "well they're good at picking things up and they work for peanuts"
Footsie
New Soul Duo!
Don't Blame The DJ?
It's Never Too Late?
IRAQ held it's first allnighter recently, but unfortunately it will also be their LAST! Sadly this is due to the DJ being blown up after he played three crap records in a row..
All the way from India are the new soul duo THE PATEL SISTERS! This amazing pair amazed punters at a venue by COOKING UP A CURRY whilst singing at the same time! They named the THE ALLAN SISTERS as their heros and have done their own tribute called 'I LIVE WITH THE BAGDAD CROWD'
World's Ugliest Kid!
Never learned to dance?
Could'nt be bothered years ago?
Always too shy to get up and groove?
Well now for a small donation, ex allnighter couple Steve & Molly Treadlightly have offered Northern Soul dance classes for the 'OLDER' soulie! They guarantee to get you up to 'dance competition' standard by 8 weeks..or your money back! Now THAT'S what I call music! Their only rule is that members MUST bring their own talcum powder.
Bat-man!
Billy Scarum..the worlds ugliest teenager is being deported from Bulgaria tomorrow, because he frightens all the other kids at shool. People say he's that ugly, that even the ducks in the park have cardiacs! - His mother said: "I tried to get rid of him by rolling his marbles off a cliff" - His dad said: "we used to read him bedtime stories with bags over OUR heads!" - His brother Willy said: "he was great on halloween night, as we never had to buy him a mask!" - His Auntie Mavis said: "he was never the same after he fell into that steaming cowpat when he was small" YES FOLKS..HIS FAMILY SURE DO LOVE HIM!
Bat fly's into mans face!
New Sport!
Stingray..Stingray
Hypnotized
A brand new sport is being lined up for the forth coming Olympic games... ANIMAL KICKING! Russian kicker Ican Wackam gets some practice in a local park. But as you can imagine, this sport is not going down very well with animal rights campaigners! Plus local prostitute Onya Backyerbitch complained to police recently, when she was hit over the head by a flying elephant!
Anything can happen in the next half hour!
A woman who was recently hypnotized as a dog, unfortunately could'nt 'snap out' of it when the hypnotist snapped his fingers. Two weeks later her boyfriend said: "It's so embarassing now, because every tree we pass...she cocks her leg up it!"
Gerroff Me!
Chuck says SIT BACK!
I want your chopper!
OK..OK..You can lend my Bobby Hebb, but please..NO TONGUES!
Happiness...is a SHEEP!
Someone please tell them...IT'S NOT BLOODY NORMAL!!
Trick or Treat?
Forever Friends..
NEW! 'First Time' Can't Lose Auction Site Animated Sniper Girl
Jamie...It's Michael Myers at the door, he says he wants to put the willy's up you!
and God said "Love the Lord and you shall be rewarded"
